Stuck On You
by Eclectic Muse
Summary: Jamie and Zoe get stuck in a sticky situation when the TARDIS takes an unexpected lurch. Shenanigans ensue.


**Author's Notes:** This was written for moocow for the 2007 Second Doctor Cliche Ficathon over at two_love on Livejournal.

This was the first fic I'd written in (gulp) ten years, and the first one I've ever finished.

* * *

It had been a slow few weeks on the TARDIS. Everywhere they went, calm and peace prevailed. Even using the randomizer hadn't helped. The Doctor, for all that he said this was how he _wanted_ to show them the universe, seemed to be at a loss without civilizations to save and madmen to topple. Jamie was similarly restless. Zoe, however, was content to stay in the TARDIS and do some research. She was fascinated with the vast stores of knowledge in the library and spent hours sorting through various tomes. It was on one of those trips that she decided to take up chemistry as a hobby.

As an astrophysicist Zoe knew all there was to know about stars and equations and probability, but the fine art of chemistry was new territory to her. She set up shop in a forgotten laboratory on a TARDIS side-corridor and was soon surrounded by bubbling beakers, frothing vials, and stacks of written formulas. Deconstructing compounds to see how they worked (along with making up new ones) was good exercise for Zoe's brain. She often stayed in her lab long into the night, long after Jamie had gone to sleep and the Doctor had gone … wherever it was he went.

On this particular day Zoe was experimenting with adhesives. She was toying with different compounds to try and achieve a glue that would bond snugly to any surface on contact, but separate cleanly if a proper solution was applied. She was already successful with the adhesive but was having trouble with the solvent.

When Jamie came in to ask her if she was hungry enough for dinner, he found her muttering over a piece of paper, scribbling something out and adding something else. "Zoe, are you hungry?" he asked. "I've got some food for ye if you'd like."

"In a minute, Jamie," Zoe said, writing furiously. "I'm having trouble with this formula."

Jamie came around the side of the table and peered over her shoulder at her writings. "What's that yer doing? You've been in here for hours, nay, days, we never see you anymore! Something important?"

"Oh, I'm just toying around," Zoe replied, erasing yet again and making notations in the margin. "It gives me something to do now that we've had all this free time. It's just … I can't quite figure it out! This last bit of formula has me stumped. It's driving me mad."

Jamie squinted at her paper. The lines, squiggles, numbers and bars meant nothing to him. Zoe and the Doctor both had been teaching him to read, and he'd been doing well, but this was beyond him. "What exactly is it you're doing? Maybe I could, er … help," he finished lamely.

Zoe smiled at him and pushed back from the table. "I've been working with adhesives. I've made all sorts, even improved on some the TARDIS has already. This one," she indicated a beaker full of a clear, viscous liquid, "will bond on contact with anything it touches, and quite strongly too. Super-glue, if you will. I've tested it and it's very effective. It won't break down and lose its adherence until the proper solution is applied. It's just … I'm having problems with the solvent. I've got the formulas right, I just know I do, but every time I mix it up it just isn't strong enough to dissolve the epoxy. Something's not right and I can't figure it out!" She huffed and crossed her arms impatiently.

Jamie smiled fondly at her and clucked his tongue. Zoe would never let herself be defeated by a silly math problem. However … "Mebbe in English this time?" he asked hopefully. "Sorry, but all that adhesive and solvent and eppix … apex nonsense goes right over my head."

"Epoxy," Zoe corrected. "Alright. Basically, I've made glue." She pointed at the clear beaker again. "Very tough glue. Trouble is, I can't figure out how to make a cure for it, if you will. You can get glue off a lot of things if you just apply the right solvent. This solvent is being downright difficult though, it won't work." She chewed on a fingernail, then picked up one of her equation sheets and shook it at him. "I just know my calculations are correct … so why is it not working?"

"Mebbe you'll be able to figure it out after you've had some dinner," Jamie said. "Have some time away from your work, you'll think with a clearer mind. Come on." He smiled winningly at her. Slowly, Zoe smiled back. "Well, alright," she said.

Suddenly the TARDIS gave a great lurch. Zoe yelped and slid backwards off her stool, as the beaker of adhesive came sliding toward the edge of the table. She gasped and tried to roll out of the way, but the beaker crashed to the floor and splashed onto one of her hands. Jamie dove out of the way of a toppling stack of papers. A second after the turbulence began it was over.

Zoe was curled on her side, trying to figure out a way to get to her feet without touching anything, lest she get stuck to it. Jamie came out from underneath the table, worried. "Zoe!" he cried. "Are you alright?" Instinctively he reached out to grab her hand to help her up.

"Jamie, wait!" Zoe said. "Don't–"

It was too late. Jamie had grabbed her sticky hand and hauled her to her feet in one swoop. When he went to let go, his hand wouldn't budge. "What?" he frowned. "What in the …"

"Jamie, you silly, silly idiot!" Zoe wailed. "The glue! Didn't you see it? It splashed on me! And now you've gone and got us stuck!"

Jamie was shaking their hands vigorously, trying to get Zoe's hand off. "I didn't see–you–wait, me? I was only trying to help, you're the one who made this daft mess in the first place! _Get off!_"

Zoe screeched. "Jamie, you're hurting me!" He was throttling their arms so violently Zoe's was in danger of coming out of its socket. He stopped, face livid. "Now, let's just calm down, and think," she said. "Let's get my solvent. It won't get us all the way free but it'll be a good start."

"No chance of that now," Jamie said, pointing. "It's gone and busted too." The beaker of solvent lay smashed on the floor next to the glue.

"Hallo! Jamie, Zoe, are you in the laboratory?" The Doctor's voice came echoing down the corridor, getting louder as he drew nearer. "I'm so sorry about that, I don't know what the old girl was on about, she just jerked so suddenly–"

The Doctor stopped in the doorway as he saw Jamie and Zoe standing amidst a sea of broken lab equipment, holding hands. "Well, I'm glad to see chivalry's still alive, at any rate," he said, dusting off his trousers. "As I was saying–" He stopped again at the looks on their faces. "What?"

"Doctor, it's all Jamie's fault," Zoe began as Jamie stamped his foot and cried, "This wee harridan's stuck us together!" The Doctor jumped back, wide-eyed, and waved his hands at them to quiet them.

"One at a time, and calmly now. Zoe, why are you still holding his hand?"

Zoe turned beet red as Jamie pried ineffectually at their fingers. "Well, Doctor, you know I've been in here experimenting with different things and, and I was showing Jamie some of the adhesives I've been working on when the TARDIS jerked, and it spilled on my hand. Jamie grabbed it before I could tell him not to. Now our hands are stuck together." She shuffled her feet. "Doctor, why _did_ the TARDIS move like that?"

The Doctor scratched his head. "I haven't the faintest idea, Zoe. I was just fiddling about underneath the console and quick as you like, there she went! Gave me quite a nasty bump on my head, too … anyway, why don't you just get some of your glue remover and be done with it?"

Jamie pointed again at the smashed beakers on the floor. "The TARDIS went and broke it too."

"Oh, I see … oh dear oh dear, my my my," The Doctor hummed, hiding a smirk behind one hand. "Well, we'll just have to go see what we can dig up here in the TARDIS, won't we? Come you two, I'll have you right as rain in no time …"

------------------------------------------------------------

Unfortunately, the TARDIS was not being very obliging. They tried everything–rubbing alcohol, paint thinner, even gasoline and water–but nothing worked. Jamie and Zoe's hands remained as steadfastly joined as ever.

"Well, I must say I have to congratulate you on your chemical prowess, Zoe," the Doctor said as he threw a sponge into a bucket of acetone. "You've created a mixture to be proud of." Jamie scowled while Zoe just looked miserable. "Now we're going to have to think of other methods to try here."

"What if you can't think of anything?" Jamie demanded. "What if we're like this forever? Mind you, I think Zoe's a fair lass and all, but I dinnae want to be stuck to her for the rest of me life!"

"Don't be ridiculous," Zoe snapped as the Doctor chuckled. "I'll think of something. _We'll_ think of something. We can start by making some more of my original solvent. It won't work but it will help. You'll have to do it for us though, Doctor, seeing as I'm … occupied." Jamie forgot his decorum and elbowed her roughly. Zoe stomped his foot in return.

"My dear boy, girl," the Doctor sighed. "You two have a bite to eat while I look over Zoe's notes. It's no use sitting here sniping at one another, we won't accomplish a thing. No, don't argue, just eat. We'll get this sorted out."

The Doctor shuffled through Zoe's formulas and calculations while the other two ate. Zoe's right hand was free so she had an easy time of it; unfortunately Jamie was also right-handed, so he ate clumsily with his left hand until he grew tired of fumbling with his fork and settled for spearing everything with his dirk. The Doctor wouldn't say as such aloud, but the muttered jabs of "barbarian" and "well I wouldn't have to if you hadn't made that mess" coupled with "get your hand off my leg" and "_you_ put them there!" were quite amusing.

By the time the Doctor stood to go to the laboratory, both Zoe and Jamie were done eating and were sitting facing away from each other as best they could, their entwined hands on the table between them. One of Jamie's fingers was twitching like he wanted to scratch an itch. Zoe was furiously chewing her bottom lip.

"Well, I'm off," the Doctor said cheerfully. "I'll have this done as soon as possible. In the meantime, you two try to … well, try not to hurt each other." He went to the door.

"How long will it take?" Jamie asked. "To make the solvent."

"At least eight hours," Zoe mumbled.  
"What?!" Jamie yelled, jumping to his feet. Zoe cried out as she was dragged from her chair, hitting the ground with a thump.

"It has to simmer at room temperature for at least six hours," Zoe said, standing up. "And it takes another two just to get to that point. I'll thank you not to do that again."

Jamie's face was rapidly matching his kilt. "And I'll thank you not to go spilling sticky glue stuff on your hands again!"

"We wouldn't be stuck together if you weren't so–so–_polite!!_" Zoe cried shrilly.

The Doctor sighed and rubbed his forehead. He had better get this solvent fixed–and soon.

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"Jamie, we'll have to do it some time."

"No."

"Don't be silly, Jamie, we can't hold it forever! The longer we wait, the longer the chance of getting hyperhydrated."

"_No._ Hyper-what?"

"Hyperhydrated. It's caused by hyponatremia, an overdilution of sodium in blood plasma which causes water dilution to go from extracellular to intracellular. Too much water in the blood, it will make you sick and you could possibly die."

Jamie gaped. "All because I won't relieve myself?"

Zoe nodded briskly. "I won't have you dying of water intoxication while stuck to me. So we'd best go."

"I'm telling you, I won't be doing that in the presence of a lady," Jamie said firmly. "I can wait, it will only be another … seven hours." He hopped from one foot to the other. "At least. I can do this, I can do this …"

Zoe laughed. "You should see yourself. Come on, we're going, and that's final." She set off in the direction of the loo attached to her room, dragging an unwilling Jamie behind her.

"Wait," he cried, digging his heels in. "Not your room, I won't go to a lady's room. We'll go to mine." He set off in the opposite direction. Zoe sighed and rolled her eyes.

"Whatever works best for you," she said. A few minutes later they were standing inside Jamie's loo and he was hopping again, face set and stubborn.

"This is wrong, my whole clan would be in shame if they saw this, me in the bathroom with a lady," he said, voice wobbling. "I tell you, I can hold it. I'd rather die than smear your honor."

"Oh, don't be such a hero," Zoe retorted. She was growing impatient. "It's not my honor, it's a simple bodily function, that's all. Look, I'll go first." She went to stand in front of the loo and reached behind her to fumble with the zip of her catsuit.

"_Zoe!!_" Jamie's face turned maroon and he whipped away, making Zoe stumble. It was hard work doing it one-handed, but she eventually got her zipper undone and stepped out of the catsuit, leaving it dangling by the arm that was attached to Jamie. He shut his eyes and willed out the sensation of his hand lowering slightly and the sounds of Zoe doing her business, trying not to die of embarrassment. A minute later the loo flushed and Zoe stood back up. Several minutes and many uncomfortable jerks later, Zoe was fully clothed and beaming at him.

"You can look now," she said. "See? Not a problem at all. Your turn." She turned him to face the loo before turning her own back.

"No peeking," Jamie said for good measure, then faced the loo with a big gulp. Of all the things he'd done … Zoe made a show of inspecting her fingernails. Barely a minute later, the loo was flushing again and Jamie was hastily making his exit, taking Zoe with him.

"Did you fake that?" Zoe demanded. "You weren't away for a full minute! I won't have you getting sick just to spare me humiliation!"

"Oh, I did, I did," Jamie mumbled, turning red again. "I just have an easier time than you, erm, ah …" He gestured to his kilt. "Are you going to tell the Doctor about this?"

"No," Zoe replied. "Though I doubt he'd need telling. We are humans, after all, and we have basic needs." She squeezed his hand.

"Needs. Yes. Right," Jamie said, following Zoe out the door, still embarrassed.

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"This is going to take a few more hours," the Doctor said. "It's late, and I can tell you're tired. Why don't you try and get some rest?"

"M'not tired," Jamie said, his head listing to one side. He and Zoe were sitting at a workstation in the lab while the Doctor worked on the solvent. They'd long ago tired of playing thumb war and now Jamie was restlessly rubbing her hand with his thumb. Neither of them seemed to be aware of that fact. Zoe was watching the Doctor's progress with keen eyes, but Jamie was falling fast. He'd propped his chin on his free hand but was having a hard time keeping his eyes open.

"Nonsense," the Doctor said. He added two parts of one concoction to the already simmering base on the burner, and gave a satisfactory grunt when it bubbled and turned just the right shade of purple. "You're asleep already. Zoe, your notes are excellent, I won't have any trouble proceeding from here. You might as well go with Jamie, because, well …" He nodded at their hands and shrugged helplessly.

Zoe nodded and made to stand. "Wait, wha?" Jamie asked. "We can't go to sleep, because we have nowhere _to_ sleep. We can't sleep together!" He frowned at Zoe's expression. "Right?"

"Well, we very well can't sleep on the floor," she snapped.

"Zoe, I've already humored ye once today, I won't do it again," Jamie warned.

"Oh, just get some blankets and sleep in the console room," the Doctor said, stirring the solvent with a glass stick. He winked at Zoe where Jamie couldn't see. "It won't kill you."

"Right," Zoe replied, and marched out of the laboratory and down the hall. Halfway to the console room,Zoe took the right turn instead of the left. Jamie turned to look behind them but still had no choice but to follow.  
"Zoe, ye missed the turn," he said.

"No I didn't," she replied purposefully. "I'm not sleeping on the floor just so you can feel better about yourself. We're going to my room."

Once again, Jamie dug his heels in. "Zoe Herriot! The loo, well, that was bad enough, but this is something else entirely! Me … you … sharing a bed … I'll not have it! We can't! It's not proper!"

Zoe stopped outside her bedroom door and turned to face him, sighing at him like one would a small child. "Jamie, we won't be having sex," she said. "Just sleeping." He turned red at the implication. "And we'll still be fully clothed, and even above the covers if you like. What's the sense in sleeping on the floor when my bed is plenty big for the two of us and much more comfortable?" She squeezed his hand again and smiled. "Stop being so honorable and listen to sense. You're almost asleep on your feet as it is."

Grudgingly, Jamie nodded. Zoe smiled even brighter and pushed her door open. Jamie paused at the threshold, but Zoe's insistent tugging pulled him in. Somehow, the room seemed to suit Zoe: it was done in shades of white and lavender with a fluffy duvet covering the double bed. She'd taken a scrap of purple cloth and taped it over one of the harsh white lights, bathing the room in soft light.

Zoe went to the bedstand and switched on the side lamp before turning off the overhead lights. "Do you have anything you need to do before we go to sleep?" she asked. "I normally have a bath and wash my face, but that can wait until the Doctor gets us unstuck."

"I'm fine," Jamie gurgled.

Nodding, Zoe sat on the edge of the bed and motioned for Jamie to do the same. Nervously, he sat down beside her and toed off his boots. That was a little courtesy he could extend to her, at least. Then he wriggled up onto the bed beside her, being careful not to splay his kilt everywhere.

Zoe swung her legs up beside them and considered their situation. "I wonder how best we could do this and still be comfortable. On our backs?" She flopped back on her pillow and Jamie did the same. "Or on our side?" She rolled to face him, their arms between them and clapsed hands by her cheek. Jamie rolled to face her and for a long minute they stared at each other, their breathing awfully loud to his ears. Then Zoe coughed and rolled over onto her back, breaking the stillness. "Perhaps our backs would be better."

Jamie grunted to himself and returned to his back as Zoe switched off the lamp and the room descended into blackness. They laid in silence for a few minutes, and Jamie was suddenly keenly aware of the fact that they were holding hands. He hadn't been so aware of the sensation of her hand in his since they'd first gotten stuck.

"Jamie?" Zoe's voice sounded timid. "Do you think this happened for a reason?"

Jamie frowned. "What do ye mean?"

Zoe shifted a little on the bed. "Well, you know, we're always arguing and squabbling with each other like siblings, maybe … maybe this was to teach us a lesson. I don't believe in Fate, the universe is much too practical for that, but perhaps this happened to help us get along better? It sounds like something the TARDIS might do."

"Well, she's doing a sorry job of it, if that's the case," Jamie said, grumpier than he'd intended. He could practically feel Zoe wilt next to him.

"You're probably right. Oh well. Goodnight, Jamie."

"Goodnight, Zoe."

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Early the next morning, the solvent was done. Eager to test it on his two companions, the Doctor hurried to Zoe's room and knocked on the door. When no one answered, he cracked the door slightly and peeked in.

Zoe and Jamie were fast asleep, facing towards each other, their glued hands cuddled to Zoe's chest. Jamie was snoring slightly. His breath was stirring Zoe's hair, whose head was nestled underneath his chin.

The Doctor couldn't help but smile. Perhaps the TARDIS had succeeded after all. He shut the door quietly and retreated back to the laboratory. Jamie and Zoe could come get their solvent when they woke up.

-o-O-o-

The first thing Zoe was aware of when she woke up was warmth. She was fully clothed, above the covers, and warm. Cracking an eye open, she was met with blackness. Upon closer inspection she found that this was due to her head being burrowed in Jamie's chest, which was blocking out the light. Her first instinct was to jerk away and apologize, but she forced herself not to, lest she scare Jamie. Instead she relaxed and let herself wake up slowly.

Grass. That was what Jamie smelled like. Grass and leather and wind. Was that what she smelled in her dreams? Anyway, it didn't matter. Jamie didn't fancy her, and she was pretty sure she was okay with that. She stretched, being careful not to disturb Jamie, and blinked away sleep.

Jamie was aware of warmth too when he awoke. For a moment he thought he was snug in his sheepskin in front of the fire, but after a moment he realized it was Zoe's tiny frame curled up against him. He stiffened slightly and fought the urge to draw away, not wanting to give her the wrong impression, but he relaxed. Zoe didn't fancy him, and he was pretty sure he was okay with that. He stretched.

"Zoe?" he murmured, touching her shoulder lightly. She mumbled something unintelligible before shifting back to look up at him, eyes sleepy. "You reckon the Doctor's done by now?"

She nodded and turned her face away to yawn, but not before Jamie caught what looked like disappointment in her eyes. Then she sat up. "He should be. Do you want to go to the laboratory and ask?"

Jamie was already putting his boots back on, eager to be separated from Zoe, though not for obvious reasons.

"Aye," he said. "The sooner the better."

Zoe nodded, watching him, then stood to follow him out the door.

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"Good morning sleepyheads," the Doctor said cheerfully as the two companions entered the lab. The beakers were bubbling merrily away again, and he had a jar of Zoe's solvent waiting on the table for them. "I trust you slept well?"

Jamie nodded and rubbed the back of his head. Zoe reached for the beaker. "You got it done then?"

"Certainly," the Doctor said, producing a cotton swab. "Let's see how this works. Your hands, please."

Jamie and Zoe placed their hands on the table in front of him while the Doctor dipped the cotton into the solvent. Then he gently wiped the area in between the sides of their palms and waited. All three peered in close to see the results. The Doctor poked at their hands, prying apart the skin. Amazingly, the separation was clean and complete.

"I can't believe it!" Zoe breathed. "How did you get it to work? You used my formula, correct? What did I miss that you got right?"

"Correct," the Doctor said as Jamie took the cotton from him and dabbed at their hands some more. "Your formula was flawless as always. I can't decipher what the problem was. Perhaps … it was all meant to be." He winked enigmatically.

"Well come on then, Doctor," Jamie said. "Can't we put our hands over a sink and pour it on?"

"Oh, good heavens no, dear boy, you'd wreak havoc on your skin," the Doctor replied, snatching the beaker away from him. "Just be patient and let me work my way through."

Ten minutes and several cotton swabs later, they were free. Zoe went to wash her hands while Jamie flexed his fingers experimentally. The Doctor stood up and dusted off his jacket.

"Well! That's that then. I think I'll be off to the kitchen, I haven't eaten in ages and I'm famished … do join me when you're done." He clapped them both jovially on the shoulders and left. Zoe and Jamie were left looking at each other awkwardly.

"I guess that's it, then," Jamie said, shuffling and crossing his arms. Zoe nodded.

"That's it."

"Well … I guess I'm off to my room. Have a clean-up and all."

"Right … well, goodbye, Jamie." Zoe turned to leave.

"Zoe, wait." She stopped and turned back to him, eyes questioning. Jamie fumbled with the hem of his shirt. "I was thinking about what ye said last night, about us being stuck for a reason. I do believe in Fate … and I believe Fate had a plan. For us to get along better," he added hastily.

Zoe's smile lit up the room. "Oh, me too Jamie. I know I pick on you and tease you, but it's because I like you. As a friend, that is."

"You argue because you care?" Jamie teased, and Zoe laughed. It broke the awkwardness between them and Jamie laughed too. "I care for ye too, lass. Protect you with my life, I would."

"I know you would, Jamie," Zoe said. "I would too. So. Friends?"

Jamie nodded. "Friends." He stuck his hand out as if to seal the commitment with a handshake, but when Zoe gave him a pointed look he realized what he was doing and dropped his hand, both of them laughing. "No need to shake on it," he amended. "I'm going to clean up. See you, Zoe."

Zoe smiled at him as she turned to leave. "Goodbye, Jamie."

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In the kitchen, the Doctor patted the wall lovingly. "I would call that a success," he said. The TARDIS purred in agreement.


End file.
